Elevator City
by Rei Asakura
Summary: A long elevator ride, cigarettes, broken bones, and the evolution of Subaru's Wish. Set before the start of X.


**Disclaimer:** X belongs to CLAMP, and so does Tokyo Babylon.

**Warnings:** violence, cursing, slightly OOC Seishirou and OOC Subaru near the end.

**Elevator City**

He entered the elevator, feet scuffing the metal floor, splashing into an angry rose-colored pool of light spilled by the setting sun. The elevator was almost empty. There was just one other person there; Subaru could feel their eyes boring into his back, two spots of pressure somewhere around his shoulder blades. He shifted uneasily, a cold spot of discomfort and strange knowledge growing in his stomach. After a moment, he turned and said, "Hello," and was somehow not surprised to find Seishirou saying, "Hello, Subaru-kun," right back at him, satisfied that he had made Subaru turn. Of course Seishirou would be here, in the middle of the city. That made perfect sense, in a twisted sort of way- it was utterly natural that Seishirou turn up when Subaru was at a state of utmost vulnerability. In a moment of exhausted delirium, Subaru thought it would be easier of the elevator crashed, just then- ending them in a bloody explosion of glass and steel and wiping them both from the face of the earth.

"Hi." Subaru said again after a moment of static and deafening silence. It had been months since they'd seen each other; the absence of Seishirou's haunting, grimy shadow from Subaru's footsteps had been uniquely odd. It was like talking to a complete stranger, albeit one that had killed your sister. "Nice tie."

What a stupid thing to say. Best to take it back immediately. "I mean…." Subaru scrambled half-heartedly for words to fix it. "I mean…damn."

Seishirou's eyebrows drew up against his forehead as if to frown, then smoothed themselves out. He looked almost confused. "Subaru-kun, are you alright?"

"Tired, maybe," Subaru admitted shortly, leaning against the other wall. He'd been awake for…what, he calculated, thirty-six hours? He'd had a fairly run of the mill call in to a department store in Shinjuku, unwrapping unhappy souls from fifty-percent-off bargain signs, but it had been immediately followed by a tortuous and complex exorcism at a Shinto shrine in Meidyo that had kept him very late, with a follow-up appointment the next morning at five AM. Then another job, and another…He'd just come from the office of a ancient artifacts dealer who was convinced his 2,000 year old vase was cursed with an angry spirit, when in fact the whispers he had been hearing came from a defunct air-conditioning unit.

He realized Seishirou had said something else. "I'm sorry?" He was so tired. His bones hurt.

Seishirou opened his mouth to repeat himself, then stopped and smirked. "Such politeness, Subaru-kun, to a person like me."

_A person like you who's been gone for five weeks. _

"Sure," Subaru muttered, resisting the _'whatever'_ that wanted to slip out only by force of sheer will. He was a little too tired to deal with Seishirou right now. Exhaustion buzzed behind his eyes, and his mouth was too dry to produce any words. Seishirou's smile widened as the silence grew. Subaru wanted desperately to smoke. He could feel the rectangular shape of the pack of cigarettes in his pocket, but he knew it was empty. He slipped his hands into his pockets and pinched the thin cellophane wrapper between his fingers. He wanted to close his eyes and take a standing nap, but that was like volunteering yourself for suicide; it was never safe to close your eyes with in an enclosed space with any assassin, much less your nemesis.

Subaru kept his eyes open with an effort, resisting the urge to direct them at his shoes.

The silence between them was like a cut rubber band; it lacked its usual snap and tension. Subaru felt cross and confused, wanted a cigarette like no one's business, and was so fatigued he felt like falling down.

"I didn't know you frequented this part of town, Subaru-kun. What have you been up to?" asked Seishirou cheerily, taking off his sunglasses and tucking them in his jacket.

"Work," Subaru said resignedly, sighing a little internally. "As always." _Seventy-five floors left to go._

"Really? Here?" Without even looking up, Subaru knew that Seishirou was raising an eyebrow at him. He could hear it in the voice.

"My job takes me everywhere, Seishirou-san. You know that."

"Why, yes, I guess I do. I drove you to enough of them, didn't I?" Seishirou's smile was white-hot. Subaru could feel it washing over his skin, burning. "Back in the day."

"You did," Subaru said in a neutral tone, feeling slightly less tired as a bit of adrenaline buzzed through his veins.

The elevator creaked down another floor. Subaru gazed at Seishirou's hazy reflection on the scratched steel walls of the elevator, searching for something to say. He was somehow unwilling to let them descend eighty floors without saying anything. He had a vague sense of loss that this quietly barbed conversation was filling. The weeks without Seishirou had changed something in him; he felt at once more accepting and more desperate, as though he had been seeking something forever only to see it finally slip out of his fingers, while fierce gusts of want still scoured his insides raw. Subaru had wandered the streets of Tokyo during Seishirou's absence feeling off-kilter, as though a leg was missing, and now he felt uncomfortably thin-skinned and vulnerable, as though his emotions were ballooning against his skin, waiting.

_He's right, _Subaru thought, rubbing his arms absentmindedly. _He did drive me to many of my jobs. And in retrospect, it might've been a better idea to take a cab here. Hokuto never would have liked me coming to this part of Tokyo by myself…there was a shooting here on the news the other day. She probably would've come with me…or made Seishirou come with me. Pushing the two of us together again, inadvertently causing more and more future grief. All that teasing…She didn't understand._

"What were you doing here?" he asked.

"I had a job." Seishirou replied. Subaru flinched and cursed himself for an idiot. _Of course. Stupid._ "Did it go well?" Subaru pressed on, trying to sound merely politely interested.

"Passably," Seishirou said tonelessly. "He screamed a bit."

Subaru felt the first breath of anger brush against him. _Bastard. _

"You asked," Seishirou said, eyes gleaming with undisguised humor. Subaru gritted his teeth and looked away, wishing once more for a cigarette. "I feel sorry for his children- poor dears." Seishirou continued. "There were three of them."

Subaru made an involuntary motion with his head, turning his eyes away from the naked flame of Seishirou's sanguine good humor. "Fuck you." He had forgotten how Seishirou mocked death.

Seishirou's laugh rippled through the air. "So emotional, Subaru-kun! You'll wear yourself out this way."

Subaru took a gulp of air, glad he could hide his trembling hands in his pockets. He knew that attacking Seishirou was pointless; his magical reserves were drained, he didn't have any ofuda, and the other man was so much larger than him physically he'd be overwhelmed in an instant. His anger could find no culmination; it was pointless. "I hate you," he replied in a croak, mouth dry.

"That's nothing new." Seishirou murmured. "Really, Subaru-kun, I know you're more intelligent than this."

"I…" Subaru began, then stopped, something dawning on him. How could Seishirou have killed anyone? This was an office building; no one lived here at all. "You…"

Seishirou had _lied_. And he'd been fool enough to fall for it. Again. Weariness and the hot flush of shame warred in his mind.

"I'm going to—"

He took a deep breath, then let it out. _Too tired. Let it go. Let it go, Subaru._ He jammed his hands even farther into his pockets. _I want a fucking cigarette._

Seishirou chuckled. Subaru's cheeks went red. "Fine," he snapped. "So what were you actually doing here?"

"Why, that's really none of your business, Subaru-kun, is it?" Seishirou replied smoothly. "What an impolite question." Subaru shoved his hands into his pockets viciously and heard a seam rip. His ears roared with anger.

"I like that you've grown more selfish, Subaru-kun."

"What?" Subaru choked out.

"If you cared less about yourself, I'd probably have to kill you right about now."

Subaru quietly crushed the empty cigarette carton in his pocket. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, don't pretend you don't want to rip my throat out right now, my dear Subaru-kun."

"Alright. I won't."

"How refreshing." Seishirou smirked.

Subaru lifted his head and stared straight at the other man. It was almost like seeing him again for the first time. And as always, he was beautiful, threatening, and yet somehow the sight of him slid away from Subaru's eyes. It was as if he wasn't really there at all. As if the man standing across from him in an old metal elevator creaking its way down a decrepit skyscraper wasn't really there, as if he was a burst of illusion on the insides of Subaru's eyelids, paper-thin and ready to crumble.

"Where've you been?" Subaru asked quietly.

Seishirou stared back at him, eyes like mirrors. "What do you mean?"

"You haven't been…here."

"I wasn't aware you _cared_, my dear Subaru-kun."

"Don't fool yourself into believing that I do," Subaru shot back. "But it's hard not to notice when the homicidal maniac that makes a hobby of stalking you disappears."

"There are more important things in my life than you," Seishirou said coldly. "Haven't we had this conversation before?"

Subaru bit his lip.

"I would have thought that you'd remember it quite well, Subaru-kun…"

Subaru's ears rang.

How was this happening? It was just an elevator. They were just standing in an elevator. Talking. But Subaru was shaking, cold, and he felt as though at any moment the elevator would fall outwards, break away from the building, and tip him into a fifty-floor plummet made eternal. It was as though every word Seishirou said was rust on the wires, cracks on the glass, dents in the metal.

"You mean nothing to me," Seishirou continued. "I do not care where you are, what you do, or whom you consort with.

"You lost the bet."

"Then why do you keep coming back?" Some distant part of Subaru's mind was horrified at the words that practically erupted out of his mouth. _It's a lie. He **does **care- he does! _

Seishirou's lips stretched.

"Do I need to jog your memory?" he asked, suddenly all too real with the sudden air of threat hanging around him like a thick cloud.

Subaru couldn't move. Seishirou moved forward fast as lightning and grasped Subaru's wrist hard, squeezing. Subaru tried to wrench himself away and gasped in agony as Seishirou's fingers pressed close to the bone. He covered Seishirou's hand with his, knuckles white as he tried to pry Seishirou's hand off. His hand looked thin and weak against Seishirou's tanned grip.

"Let…me…go…"Subaru ground out. "Now."

Seishirou smiled again. This close, Subaru could smell the cigarette-smoke-blood-sakura scent of him; the edges of Seishirou's trenchcoat brushed gently against his leg. "Why?" he asked casually.

"Because-" Subaru whispered, trying to keep his voice from breaking. He felt as though there was something fragile trapped inside his chest, waiting to break out. His eyes stung. He could feel each and every one of Seishirou's fingers hard against his wrist, as though they were melting the bone and leaving a mark.

Seishirou leaned closer. Subaru shut his eyes against the hungry look in Seishirou's eyes, turning his head away, the long white column of his neck moving jerkily. "You know," Seishirou said conversationally, breath warm against Subaru's skin, "I could break your arm-"

"-and not even care," Subaru finished in a strained voice. The agony in his wrist was blindingly intense. He moved his head again restlessly, pressing it against the side of the elevator, seeking something blindly. "I know."

"Good." Seishirou's voice was low and dark.

"Then why don't you?"

Subaru knew as soon as he said it that it had been a bad idea. Seishirou's hand tightened brutally over his wrist and he let out a muffled groan, hand falling away in a moment of sheer pain. _He's going to break it, _Subaru thought frantically, _he's going to break it. _He could feel the bones bending.

He had a sudden image of his wrist after Seishirou broke it: the carpal bone protruding through the skin jaggedly, his hand above it flopping like a dead bird, the passage of the translucent blue veins that traced the underside of his forearm disrupted. He wanted, abruptly, for Seishirou to shatter his bones just as completely as he had shattered Subaru's soul. A strange sort of symmetry; pain outside to match the inside, all delivered with the same chilly indifference, so that Subaru could pretend he had _meant_ to fall in love and break everything, so that he could huddle under his blankets and really have something to cry about.

"Because I have better things to do with my time."

Subaru's gasps echoed in the silent elevator. He opened his eyes and looked at Seishirou, whose amber eyes were half-lidded. There was a moment of quiet, the two of them frozen in a tableau: Subaru pushed back against the wall of the elevator, arched away in agony, but somehow looking as though every particle of his being was watching Seishirou, who smiled with all the warmth of ice.

"Please." Subaru blurted, not sure what he was asking for. Something. Pain. Release. His green eyes glittered strangely in the dim lighting, half-lidded and desperate. His breath puffed gently against Seishirou's neck.

Seishirou's hand loosened on Subaru's arm. "Please what?"

Subaru shook his head mutely. Seishirou inhaled and stepped back, releasing Subaru's arm with a rustle of cloth. Subaru let out a trembling sigh of relief and tension and massaged his arm. Beads of sweat rolled down his face. He clenched his muscles so that his shaking wasn't so apparent. It didn't work. He just shook harder.

Seishirou smiled. "Were you afraid?"

"No," Subaru spat.

"You were begging."

"Not for what you thought."

"And here I thought you were going to slip out a knife and stab me in the back, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, eyes twinkling.

"Maybe later," Subaru replied shakily. He wasn't tired anymore. He was trembling hard enough to knock his shoulder blades against the wall. What had all that been? Half of him was begging Seishirou to come back and finish the deed. The other half…

"….I think you'll be seeing more of me, my dear Subaru-kun. You've changed," Seishirou said thoughtfully.

Subaru shrugged, not sure what to say. "You changed me." How could they go from dangerous violence to light banter? Why did he want both?

"Really." Seishirou's voice was dancing with sarcasm.

"Got a cigarette?"

"Feeling stressed?" Seishirou asked with an ironic quirk to his eyebrows, reaching in his pocket for a pack. "You'll rot your lungs."

"Just tired, thanks." Subaru replied. "And if anyone dies from lung cancer first, it'll be you." He took the cigarette, and nearly froze when his fingers brushed Seishirou's. The contact burned. He yanked his hand away, and groped for his lighter, hoping Seishirou hadn't noticed.

"Is that a death wish?" Seishirou inquired.

"No." Subaru said, sticking the cigarette between his lips and flicking his lighter. He watched the golden-blue flame idly. He didn't…want Seishirou dead.He couldn't even imagine Seishirou dead, only himself. The curled, regretful corpses in his dreams always had green eyes…the blood around them was always his. Seishirou's death was a vision he couldn't even begin to contemplate. He couldn't fool himself into thinking that he could beat Seishirou the way he was now. Maybe if they'd never met, it would be different and Seishirou would be a dead man that he cared for not a jot. But he had found that it was impossible to wage effective war against someone who possessed your heart in an iron grip.

Subaru took a deep breath and pulled the nicotine into his lungs, feeling the smoke roll down his throat soothingly. He sighed in relief.

There was a moment of silence.

"How's your arm?"

Subaru choked on his mouthful of smoke and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. "Fine. Unbroken. You don't care."

"Well," Seishirou said speculatively. "I broke the other one last time, didn't I? It might as well be a matched set."

Subaru took another drag of his cigarette, hands shaking, knowing Seishirou meant it. Danger again. A cold chill crawled down his spine. _But it would all make sense that way,_ his mind whispered. _Wouldn't it? Don't you want to give up?_

"Go ahead," he said calmly. "Might as well."

Seishirou shifted in surprise. "And you wouldn't mind at all, would you?"

The faintly illuminated hand above the doors ticked to eighteen.

"I could care less." Subaru was surprised at the lack of emotion in his voice. Smoke drifted in front of his eyes hazily. "After all," he murmured, "it would go better with my internal decor.

"But," Subaru continued, with an absentminded quirk of his eyebrows, "I thought you had better things to do with your time."

Seishirou chuckled. "Dealing with you is always a pleasure, Subaru-kun. Now, I'm working. Later, maybe I'll indulge myself. Will you be expecting me?"

Subaru shrugged. "I don't expect anything of you." _We're past the point of giving._

Seishirou eyed him speculatively. Subaru was huddled over the cigarette, thin frame folded around it like paper, coat and shirt molded to his shoulders. His eyes were dull, and his face pale. Seishirou could see his own fingerprints on Subaru's left wrist, angry purple-red bruises denoting broken blood vessels.

There were dark circles under his eyes, and the bones of his face were sharp against his ivory skin. He didn't look well.

"You're more ill than I thought," Seishirou commented lightly.

"In more ways than one," Subaru agreed sourly. _Ten floors to go,_ he thought dully. _Nine. Eight. Seven._

He felt chilled, and even more tired than before. The adrenaline rush had worn off. Violence, laughter, love, hate, passion- what did it matter? In the end, it all boiled down to two facts. Seishirou had killed his sister, and was the antithesis of all that Subaru stood for. And he still loved him. Still wanted him, even when Seishirou threatened him and joked about killing him. He didn't even know if Seishirou had it in him to be pretend to be kind anymore. And he didn't know if he wanted kindness anymore- didn't think he deserved it. But it wasn't about deserving anymore, either. It was about getting.

And these days, he only wanted one thing.

"What do you want?" Seishirou asked abruptly.

"What?" Subaru said, jolted out of his reverie as Seishirou's words mimicked his thoughts. "What do you mean?"

"What do you want?" Seishirou repeated. "Do you still want to kill me?"

Subaru laughed. "Hardly." _I just want to mean something. _

"No?"

"No."

Seishirou fixed a steady stare on him. Subaru looked away and out the glass wall of the elevator, avoiding the other's gaze. They were nearing the bottom. A light rain began to fall, pattering gently against the glass. Water rolled in increasingly large streams past Subaru's eyes. Darkness fell.

_Five. Four. Three._

Subaru's cigarette guttered and went out.

**Author's Notes: **This fic was a strange amalgamation. The first 1500 words came really easily, but then I stopped struggling with plot and started fighting with tone and style; I felt that the wording put the reader too distant from the situation for it to really sink in. Several scenes I had to rewrite to get them to 'work', and nothing at all would have been possible without the near-constant online babysitting provided by my good friend Aaron.

Aaron, I prostrate myself at your feet and feed you nuggets of Havoc x Fuery goodness. I should pay you.

I hope the whole elevator idea isn't too improbable; I wanted them on an elevator the whole time, but I knew that this was going be one hell of a long elevator ride…if you forgive me, maybe you could leave a review!


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